Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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