Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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