My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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