please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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