all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
