hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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