Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize