I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
