I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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