two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Found the puke drawer
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just had sex on a roof
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
