TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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