he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Farmville is her only friend.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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