You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
