dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
