Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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