I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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