how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
