remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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