I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
