these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
