But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
