She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
