Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
