In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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