Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You were trust falling into bushes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
