I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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