I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
