Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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