I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
