Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize