there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
