I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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