a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
