I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
