Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
