My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
