Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
