Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So much Jack, so little girl.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
