i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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