i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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