I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
