oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Pants are for mortals
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize