If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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