Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He better not be in your backpack
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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