i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
