Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize