gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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