I love black thongs
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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