oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
