I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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