What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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