I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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