you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
