ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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