I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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