She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
