he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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