did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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