Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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