I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
