don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
