All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
