my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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