i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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