At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
