the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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