My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
only you would photoshop your dick
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize