I could have mohawked her pubes.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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