Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
