Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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