She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize