Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
