U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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