My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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